Mothers Day – a different way

My Mothers Day Story

Mother’s Day is just around the corner. Everyone has their own take on how they like it to play out. It can be an extremely special day for some, and a day filled with mixed emotions for others.

My own mother passed away quite suddenly of a brain tumour almost 13 years ago now, she was 58 years young. I had just turned 30 at the time and had three young children (under 6). To say that my world ended momentarily is an understatement.

My mum was so looking forward to the next chapter in her life – being a grandmother but just before Mother’s Day in 2009 things changed. Within weeks she was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour and given 6 weeks to live. This may sound awful, but unfortunately, she survived another 14 months. My mum was alive, but she certainly wasn’t living.

So, has this major life event impacted my ability to celebrate Mother’s Day?

Yes.

A different perspective

But if anything, the loss of my own mother has given me great perspective. I have become a more patient and present mother and wife. I’ve also,

• Lowered my expectations (which I think is so important in the social media saturated world that we find ourselves living in) and got real about things. Reminding ourselves that what we see online is often not the whole picture. This is crucial.
• Learnt to actually tell my husband and kids what I want and how I’m feeling. Being direct, honest, and vulnerable is extremely cathartic. For example, my husband knows that if he turns up with a bunch of flowers randomly throughout the year, then I’m a happy wife. He didn’t work this out for himself, I told him years ago and now he gets me flowers and I love him for it. My kids know that I’m partial to eggs and bacon on a Sunday, so now they ask me if I’d like some.

The language of love

Which brings me to ask, have you heard of Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages? His work speaks to the different ways we all give and receive love and although it’s a very broad and general theory it’s an interesting concept. The suggestion is that there are 5 Languages of Love and we will all place these in a different order of importance so defining what ‘language’ is our preference. The 5 Love languages are:

• Act of service.
• Physical Touch.
• Words of Affirmation.
• Quality Time.
• Receiving Gifts.

For me, Acts of service and Quality time are top of the list. What are yours?

I have four children, aged 18, 15, 13 and 10. When they were little, I loved nothing more than receiving their handmade gifts and I still treasure some of these today. I don’t however expect anything more. Having these guys and my husband happy and healthy in my life is enough. I am of the opinion that we should cherish every day. That making the people we love most feel supported and appreciated should be a daily event and not a one off.

How to navigate Mothers Day this year

So, this Mother’s Day take the time to stop and look at what you already have and if you want to be spoilt rotten and waited on hand and foot – tell your family. If you want breakfast in bed – tell them! Would a “sleep in” be amazing – make it happen or if you are like me and you don’t necessarily need anything – then embrace that.

There is no right or wrong to this day. Whatever you decide to do – do things your way.

I am so very grateful to be healthy AND be able to quietly celebrate with my family this Mother’s Day.