I don’t feel an attachment to my newborn – what does this mean and what can I do?

Every mum and every baby are different, so it’s no surprise that we all form attachments at different times and in different ways with our babies. Some mums might bond with their baby the first time they see them, like love at first sight. Some mums might not feel an instant connection. Louise Hurley explains why this is perfectly OK as well as when and how to reach out for help if it’s needed.

What can I do if I don’t feel an instant attachment to my newborn?
- Be kind and patient with yourself as a new mum. Bonding and attachment can sometimes take weeks or months of getting to know and understand your baby.
- Find a supportive and welcoming mothers' group where you feel that you can ask questions. COVID restrictions may make this hard at present so you could look for a local playgroup or even a mum and bub’s fitness group. Surround yourself with supportive mums.
- Talk to your partner, close family member or friend as well as your doctor, midwife or healthcare visitor. There is no such thing as a silly question and it’s important to reach out for help and support if you feel that you need it.
- Postnatal depression and other mental health issues Mums who experience postnatal depression and other mental health issues may find it hard to be responsive all of the time to their baby's cues, which can affect the attachment between mum and baby. If you feel that you are experiencing postnatal depression or any other mental health issue, reach out to your partner, a close family member or friend AND your doctor as soon as possible. You can also find a list of mental health services and support lines at the end of this article.
- Being separated from your baby for long periods of time Being separated from your baby for long periods of time can make forming an attachment more difficult. Reach out for advice and support if you feel that you are unable to avoid being separated from your baby.
- Health issues within the family, with mum or with your baby Illness in the family, whether it’s yourself, a sibling, or another family member, can make it extremely difficult to meet the demands of a new baby. If you feel that your family circumstances are making it difficult to bond with your baby reach out to a health professional who you trust and feel comfortable with.

About the Author
Louise’s mission is to help mums feel fitter, healthier and stronger through a supportive and motivating community. Whether it’s been 6 weeks or 6 years, no matter how long ago you had children she can help you to safely return to exercise and restrengthen your body so that you can start to take back some control in this crazy roller coaster of motherhood and feel more like you again. Strong Mums isn’t about “bouncing back” after having a baby or getting your pre-baby body back. It’s about feeling fit, healthy and strong enough to keep up with the demands of your little tribe.
Louise’s mission is to help mums feel fitter, healthier and stronger through a supportive and motivating community. Whether it’s been 6 weeks or 6 years, no matter how long ago you had children she can help you to safely return to exercise and restrengthen your body so that you can start to take back some control in this crazy roller coaster of motherhood and feel more like you again. Strong Mums isn’t about “bouncing back” after having a baby or getting your pre-baby body back. It’s about feeling fit, healthy and strong enough to keep up with the demands of your little tribe.?